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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Jesus Wept

Theme:   Believe

Click on this link to purchase this painting  Jesus Wept (Finger Painting)



I'd rather be perceived ignorant
by mortal atheists,
than confirmed ignorant
by an immortal God.



Believing in God
seemed so much easier when
He believed in me.


Dear Lord:

It's me. I'm down here again struggling to believe. Just when I'm ready to call you a friend, it seems I'm abandoned, and back stabbed again.

I've given you chances. You've thrown them away. I invited you over, but you said "not today"! I'm tired of trying to bridge this gap, when all I get is shunned or slapped. I think it's time for my life to be autonomous.

Respectfully yours,

Dear Anonymous:

Oh, it's you again. And I'm the one who's called the false friend? How dare you question how I feel, the things I do, or the cards I deal.

You know the alternative, so go on your own. But rest assured you're never alone. For if you believe it's the end of the line, then all of my miracles were a waste of time.

I won't abandon you as you do Me. Know that I'll be there in your hour of need. But deny Me then, and then you'll see, your eternal partner won't be Me! You can't even imagine the horrors ahead. If you give up on Me you're already dead.

I feel so much pain that I'll continue to sob. Wishing you were here!



Believe?  There was a time when I was lost, and questioning everything that I had previously believed in, including God.  During that time I was asked "Do you still believe in God?"  My response was a very nonchalant "Let's just say that God and I aren't on speaking terms right now."  Those were some dark times indeed.

It was around this time that I began writing what I believe to be some of my most profound works.  Poems, haikus, short stories, that others have called remarkably "deep".  The words just flowed.  It also wasn't hard to recognize others who were also in that lost stage.  But what I discovered in my writings was a common theme: deep down inside I still believed. 

Coming to that conclusion I then went on my own personal journey to find my God.  Not some God that hovers over church on Sundays, but the God that hovers over me all the time.  What I learned was that everyone seems to see God differently based upon their own circumstances.  Perhaps that is how God wants it.  Perhaps that is His grand design.  Perhaps He is a God of many faces.

 JesusWept-3.jpg picture by DoyleArts

I joined a bible study group several years back.  There were some good guys in the group, several of which believed without reservation.  When a question came around to me there was a long pause of silence as I pondered the answer.  They waited patiently for my profound response, and all I could muster was "I don't know this stuff.  I'm the glue eater in the back row!"  We all got a good laugh out of that, and afterwards we discovered we were ALL glue eaters to some degree.  Several people later declared "glue eater" status when it was their turn to answer a question, as if they were "taking the 5th" while under oath in a courtroom. 

I always wished I was the guy that believed without reservation, but that wasn't me.  Perhaps doing so would defy logic.  I was too "smart" for that.  In the past I've run into atheists who were equally as "smart", and then I thought to myself, what if they were wrong?  When the good Lord comes calling will I really be concerned about all the atheists who perceived me as being ignorant, or do I want God to perceive me as such.  Umm, I think I'll err on the side of God.

During this time of being lost, and then found, I thought to myself how sad God must have felt to have me questioning Him, and how many other anonymous souls do the same on a daily basis.  I think God has broad shoulders, and I believe He let me go so that I could truly discover where my heart was.  In the end, I think He knew I'd come home.

I went through a similar time in my life in which I was questioning my beliefs during my late 20's.  During that time I had a dream that shocked my system.  In the dream I was on a dock looking over a railing into a shallow, rock filled shoreline.  Washing up to shore from underneath the dock was a dead body, cold and gray, gently floating in the relatively calm tides.  It was my best friend.  In the shock and fright of the moment, the image suddenly vanished and was replaced by an immediate calming sensation.  Jesus was standing there aglow in silence.  He then said one word: "Believe".

That was it.  I awoke.  I've never told that story to anyone else, except my wife.  If I told that story, perhaps others would perceive me as being ignorant.  Perhaps by witholding that story, I truly was. 

I wish I was perfect, but I'm far from it.  I have a lot of catching up to do, but I have a pretty good teacher to help me along the way.  I hope in time you'll see the face of your own God.  In the end, through all the trials and tribulations of life, there's only one thing that really matters:




  1. Richie,
    This was quite an awesome post! Good Job!!

  2. "God is great, but sometimes life ain't good, and when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should. But I do it anyway."

  3. I've been there. Will anyone ever truly know the answers? You've given us all something to ponder, which is why I love following this blog.

  4. You know what's funny? When you told me this was going to be about someone who should be a BFF to all, I knew exactly what the blog was going to be about, Rich. I really got it. I am so happy to see that you have come full circle to this place. You are in a great place, Carnie. So pleased for you!!!

  5. Really deep. Great insight. I've been there, but I always came back. He never stopped doubting me, I am ashamed to say, I had Him. Kudos to you for putting this out there. What a great share. You're the best. :)

  6. I follow the dragonfly flight and she featured this today for her readers. What a profound entry! Nice work! So glad I had a chance to read this. I will now follow you as well! Thanks for sharing!

  7. "Hummingbird's Sign"-What a Gift...I am for once, speechless. I just put away my hummingbird feeders yesterday with sadness and a heavy heart-then today I read this and am uplifted. I can't express my Thanks enough. Am sure that Max is now your Guardian Angel as well. : )